toodldo_4julie: weighing the options

---

to be or not to be

to live or to die

to love or to hate

to smile or to frown, laugh or cry

to gain or to lose

too much or too little

to walk or to drive

to hold onto or to let go

too tight or too loose

too big or too small

too rich or too poor

too proud or too meek

these everyday, small decisions that we make w/out really thinking about them make my head spin. because i cannot just decide..i want everything in my life to be right in the middle, to be balanced. it never works that way. i think since i cannot be in the exact middle of any two possible extremes, then i go as far one way or the other as i can. hence, i have a very confused brain sometimes. maybe that's why it's so hard to make normal decisions, like what to order off the menu...because there really is no extreme there, all of the choices are equivelant, in that, they are all sort of right in the middle, which is what i want, but they're ALL in the middle, so i get confused.

as for news... my two half sisters that live w/ my mom in va are about to be put through the same shit i had to grow up with, and they're only 6 and 7.


god damn the world's unfairness and cruelty




Mood: confused at decisions, angered at the world
Music: tunes in my head

toodldo_4julie: ahhhh

---

me: remind me again why i woke up at 6:30 a.m.? on my break!
my other identity: because you're going to alumni day
me: why the hell would i want to do that?
my other identity: dunno
me: well, do i have to?
my other identity: if you want to see people, then yes.
me: oh
my other identity: just don't eat the food.
me: why not?
my other identity: because the cook's an alien who will poison us all!!!
me: hey! be nice! that's my great aunt!! >:|
my other identity: no! you will not take over, alien side.
me: ohhhh, yes i will.. mwahahahaha
my other identity: help! help!
me: you cannot be saved from yourself....


as the battle continues, me and my other identity are caught in a futile struggle for existance...
but..
me eventually overcomes my other identity...

the alien nature reigns... Mwahahahahahaha


Mood: quite fascinated!
Music: the tunes in my head

toodldo_4julie: am i odd?

---

i wonder sometimes- i think maybe i'm not sane. i don't think like most people that i know. a friend told me once that i was a 'project', that she had to study me to try to understand me. i can be at the absolute minimun, yet, still laugh. i can be at the absolute max, and still cry. i'd rather have a cat walking across my back than have a professional masseuse. i go barefoot in the snow. when one of my best friends and i play perfect dark, we call it 'killing' rather than 'gaming', so when we walk through stores, we terrify people by saying we're gonna go kill tonight. the strangest things fascinate me; a piece of glass or a stone can amuse me for a loooong time. i listen to printers when they're printing, and try to hear differences in their 'voices'. everyone thinks i've been dropped on my head. i'm just one oddball in the midst of all those brightly colored plastic balls in one of those strange play-things (like pits) kids go into.

hm... and i fascinate myself, which is probably not a good or a healthy thing to do. :


Mood: fascinated by self
Music: computer's at school...no music :(

toodldo_4julie: all tuckered out

---

well, i spent the last 2.5 days w/ my best s.c. friend, lacy. it was so awesome, being able to kick back w/ someone that never judges me for my oddities, and that is just what i need. :D

spending hours going back and forth between 9 animals is quite interesting, something not to be done when tired. :P especially if 4 of the 9 are hyper-active dogs...that are all about knee-high. um..yeah. lol.

I GOT THE LORD OF THE RINGS: THE RETURN OF THE KING, THE EXTENDED EDITION.

i'm used to moving away, and never going back, except to visit from time to time, and i've done that several times. i'm not used to this whole going away to college, then coming home, then going back, then going home..it's like i'm in a joint custody battle. and i still have my friends in va..so i'm starting to freak out.. because i go one place, i miss these people, and so on. :( it's rather unsettling...
all i can say for certain is that i definately miss certain people, and even people that i don't exactly know, i miss talking to them everyday.

one never really notices how dependant upon AIM one can become... until one realizes that they can't be online all the time to talk to the people one would like to talk to/cares about. *sigh*



Mood: unsettled, happy-tired, yet sad
Music: my computer w/ it's music is at school!!!

toodldo_4julie: at home

---

i'm home..

it's ok...much more busy than i'd have wanted it to be... but that's ok..

i'll probably work most of the second half of break.

the horses may not be actually gone, a friend and i are going to head up to the stable and see wtf is going on.

:

too much to do and too little time.... aaaahhhhh


Mood: stretched
Music: the beatles - Day Tripper